Thursday, 22 March 2012

We talked after along time.

       As yesterday he told me, we met after class. He waited for me at the place we should to before. My steps moved slowly as i felt ill just fall off when ill see him.. He smiled just to show off everything's is clear from his side. As i reached near him, I couldn't stand over there. i felt broken and tears filled in my eyes. I still loved him but the time is so changed that its seems all apart. He said he had forgotten my dairies in rush at home.I stepped to move. He stopped and told, " We can talk at least" I wanted to be with him but not the way he was offering.. I stood there in silence and he told me that he has moved on the track which is totally different and worst. He than showed me a pic. I just took a glance and died... smokes all around his face and beside his own ideal brother. How can he smoke? that too in front of his brother. i hated it and even he knew it. i think that why he did that to hurt me again and again. But still my heart didn't believed.. How can i believe, the Pushpak i love hates all these stuff himself than how can he smoke?
      But I felt like crying and I did that.. I felt motionless and unconscious. He forced to go Andy's and sit there and talk. But I opposed.. after a long talks, I had to agree as he forced and I never can tell him no!
my steps crumbled when I forced myself to sit behind him on the scooty i used to roam along with him. but today the time was different and so was i and his relation.
     He droves and I sat and cried think within me that how fool I m in love with him that even after he hurting me so much I was along with him. I can't do anything its not in my hand. My heart never listens to me.
I can see him, feel him but he moved too far...
we reached and sat inside. He went and ordered a family pack. Before that we had talks that was right from his side but even I wasn't wrong..I felt crying when he again told me that now we can't be anymore together and I felt like crushed. He saw tears in my eyes and offered his handkerchief and i refused as if we can't be together I should get used to live without him, without his helps.. But as he went to the counter, I couldn't stop myself from holding the kerchief hard and sense his presence and scent. I just can't get out of it. I cried and wiped with his kerchief with out he could notice and before he came. For the time we sat there, tears were continuously running out. But not even once he tried to hold my hands and console me.I knew he wanted to but the ego stopped him.. He thinks i did not supported him when the exams were going on, I didn't understand him. And that he wanted me come to him if i realize that.
          But whatever I had done that time, it was just for the reason, He should get time and concentrate on studies rather on us. And he did the same thing, he concentrated so much that he totally forgot that i had even existed that time, as he got serious with books.  I don't blame he was wrong, but i was hurt each time, he remain silence with me after exams, I was hurt when he left me alone in college as his didn't went nice. I was hurt when he chose to sit opposite to me and beside our stupid friend(girl). I was hurt each day when he talked with the girl I hated the most, I was hurt... this time so badly that I had being broken from inside and I search the lost love in my own self. He love's me than why can't he show it to me? He cares for me than why can't he tell me that he does? He wants me than why cant he grab me in his arms when i leave?Why?
          He had no answers for them and and many many talk more such like that happened.....
He told me than, he was just fooling, he didn't smoked. he just went hookah with his bro and cousins. He just tried once and that's it but still I was bleeding from inside. I wanted to touch him so that I can feel real and alive.
     He fed me when i ignored to eat and told lie that i had eaten my breakfast. That built up hope in me.. he told he loves me while leaving that made me real in life... I cried and wanted to hug him and never would leave him... But it all was a dream when he send me a msg when I reached home, "I am sorry Jyoti, i can't be as before.... am really sorry.... I won't be able to come back to you. its too difficult"
      "I never forced you before nor will now. I will  keep loving you for no matter how much you hate me and stay apart" I replied with lot of effort and strength as even i was broken with that msgs of his after a ray of hope I had seen seen so long back.
       "I don't HATE you" he replied and that hurt-ed me more than the previous one. If he doesn't hate me than Why?
        Had no answer to it... I stopped msging him... and went to sleep..with tears again in my eyes..
                              I hope he one day love's me back

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